


Rule of Thirds

by SonikkuGirl8



Category: Super Smash Brothers
Genre: Chef Joker, Cloud is an asshole, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Holy Water, Humor, Implied/Referenced Torture, Lonely Richter, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Movie Night, Nightmares, One Shot Collection, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pac-Man Being A Goof, Popcorn, Responsible Mega Man, Roommates, Ryu Likes Kung Fu Movies, Snake Hates Sonic, Sonic is So Done, Troll Bayonetta, netflix
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2020-05-15 13:18:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19296538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SonikkuGirl8/pseuds/SonikkuGirl8
Summary: The Guest Fighters are given their own home in order to accommodate their now larger numbers. With no direct supervision and Sonic as their appointed leader, it all just goes downhill from there.





	1. Prologue: Cinema

**Author's Note:**

> An idea that's been swimming around in my head ever since a few weeks after Joker dropped. This will all be written purely for fun and will come as I think of new ideas, a few which I already have planned. Other than that, I don't plan on frequent updates, as I already have a pretty sizable backlog I need to work on. 
> 
> Please note that Banjo and the DQ 11 Hero aren't here because this was mainly written before E3 2019, and they'll be introduced later on.
> 
> If anyone has any suggestions for scenarios, not just with the group as a whole but with any handful of people, feel free to let me know in the comments! You'll be credited for the idea at the beginning of your chapter, of course.

“What about a romantic comedy?”

 

“Nah, they’re all too samey.  _ OOH,  _ how about a nature documentary?!”

 

“ _ Boring!  _ What we all need is an action movie!”

 

Sonic groaned, sinking further into his cushy chair and pinning his ears flat against his skull in irritation. He took a long swig of his nearly empty lemon-lime soda. His box of spicy candy was almost gone and that only served to make him just that much more agitated. The remote grew cold in his hand, the glaring reds and blacks of Netflix starting to hurt his eyes.

 

It had been half an hour since he had gathered the other members of the Guest House together, and they still hadn’t picked a  _ genre _ , let alone a movie to watch.

 

“Hell no. My life  _ is  _ an action movie. Crime drama,” Snake growled. The spy was using his cardboard box as a chair. For some reason he glared when Sonic suggested he take a seat in one of the hedgehog's own chairs.

 

“I wanna marathon ‘The Dotvengers'! Junior and I love those movies!” called Pac-Man for the fifth time that night. He was on Sonic’s bed, doodling in a small notepad. Bayonetta sat next to him, rolling her eyes at the Pac-Person with a smirk.

 

“I think we’ll all pass on that,” said Cloud, lying on his stomach on the floor. Sonic glared at the mercenary; he wouldn’t share the popcorn and the bowl was near empty. There had been four bags worth in that thing! “How about something with aliens in it?”

 

“No, no, that’ll never do…” Ryu said, voice low and head down. He and Ken took up space in the middle of the room, hogging the couch against the wall. Suddenly, startling Mega Man sitting on the floor in front of them, his head shot up, and he screamed, “ _ WE’RE WATCHING THE KUNG FU BOY! _ ”

 

“Ryu, you’ve seen that movie  _ way  _ too many times,” said Ken, groaning at the suggestion. Sonic felt the blonde’s pain. Whenever he watched movies with Tails, he always wanted to watch this one chick flick that even  _ Amy _ couldn’t stand.

 

He loved that kid like a brother, but that was just something science couldn’t explain, man.

 

“I know, but surely these guys haven--”

 

“ _ We’re not watching ‘ The Kung Fu Boy’, Ryu… _ ” called the entire room, glaring at him.

 

At their words, the muscular fighter looked a lot like a kicked puppy. It was kind of cute but… strangely sad.

 

“What about ‘The Goodfather’? It’s a little on the long side, but it’s a pretty good film,” Joker said from his perch on top of the couch, fiddling around with a pair of fake glasses. It was one of the few times Sonic had seen him out of that thief outfit and in something casual.

 

“I don’t plan on getting cramps from lying on my stomach for hours, _Ren,_ ” Cloud said without looking at the teen. Glancing back at the group, Sonic could practically _feel_ the desire to chuck his glasses at the back of Cloud’s head roll off of Joker in waves. The hedgehog really wished he had that level of self-restraint.

 

“Well, what do _you_ want to watch then, Cloud?” Joker asked testily, crossing his arms in irritation.

 

“I couldn’t care less as long as the movie isn’t boring. I’m just here for the free popcorn,” Cloud said with a shrug. Because of course he was, Sonic thought bitterly.

 

“All this talk about ‘movies’ and ‘genres’ is giving me a headache," said Richter, sitting in a cozy spot on the floor. It was definitely the guy’s first movie, Sonic surmised. He looked a bit depressed without his ancestor to talk to, but Simon was banned from the room after trying to splash that dubious, flaming ‘holy water’ onto the hedgehog. And Bayonetta. And Arsene, although that was the only time it was funny ‘cause it phased right through the Persona and no one was actually set on fire. Made Simon pretty mad, though.

 

 

“Can I make a suggestion?” said Mega Man, raising his hand for all to see. “Since we’re all indecisive, how about we all draw straws and or something simila--”

 

“Yes!  _ Yes! _ We’re doing that!  _ Thank you,  _ Rocky!” Sonic yelled a little too quickly, voice a little too loud. He ran out of the room and came back with a hat, pens, and chunks of paper seconds later. “Everyone writes a movie title on a slip of paper and no whining about the winner or I’m shuttin’ this thing  _ down…! _ ”

 

They all blinked at Sonic’s outburst but decided to comply. No one wanted to incur the blur’s wrath. Or get kicked out and leave all their free snacks behind. That would just be sad.

 

One by one, they all placed their suggestions into the hat, with Sonic giving a satisfied nod before shaking it and reaching his hand in.

 

“Alright, and the movie we’re gonna be watching tonight is…” With unnecessary amounts of drama, Sonic pulled out his hand and read the chosen film.

 

“...’Nightmare on Sycamore Drive’…?”

 

The self-satisfied and, frankly, creepy grin on Bayonetta’s face immediately let everyone know they were in for it.


	2. Warm Milk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nightmares, and Sonic makes a new friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In Sonic Forces, Sonic is thrown into Eggman's captivity for six months. The dub implies torture. I decide to roll with it.

_‘It wasn’t real. It wasn’t real. N-None of that was real, Sonic.’_

It was around 4 in the morning when Sonic found himself alone in the Guest House lobby, curled into himself on the couch, shaking like a leaf, trying to force himself to calm down before his pathetic whimpering woke anyone up. There was no way he could let anyone see him like that, not when he built up a persona of being the ‘chill one’. The ‘unflappable’ one. The ‘This Is My Life And You’re All Just Along For the Ride’ one.

 _‘It was just a stupid nightmare’_ , he thought to himself, pulling himself tighter into a ball. He struggled to hold back his already falling tears as flashes from his dream kept appearing. Nothing but blinding red and pain, the things he remembered most in captivity during the war against Eggman and that horrid jackal. Sonic hated it, still having these stupid dreams when it’s been months since then. Why couldn’t he just get over it already?! 

 _‘It wasn’t real. You’re okay. You’re not in the Death Egg. You’re not locked up in a cell. You’re just in a quiet, safe living room, in a building full of friends. No need to be afraid. It wasn’t_ real _.’_

Like a mantra, Sonic played those words over and over in his head, calming the hurricane of emotions welling up inside him after a time. Relieved when the flickering in his vision stopped, Sonic sighed, though still unwilling to free himself from his balled up form. He didn’t want to risk freaking out again if he left his comfort zone too soon. Learned that the hard way.

“... Is someone out here…?” Sonic flinched as he heard a voice coming down the hallway, cursing as he did. So he had managed to wake someone up after all, and just when he was essentially frozen in place, too.

 _‘Please don’t notice me. Please don’t notice me.’_ The hedgehog mentally begged, hoping to Chaos the person wouldn’t be able to see him in the dark. His fur was pretty dark too; maybe he’d blend in. 

Unfortunately, in his current state, he had forgotten light switches were a thing.

“... Sonic? Is that you?” Blinking hard and letting his eyes adjust, Sonic saw Joker hanging outside the doorway in his pajamas, hair messier than usual and glasses-less eyes looking at him blearily. Definitely had just woken up.

“H-Heya, Ren…” Sonic greeted with a forced smile, trying to play the situation off. The former didn’t seem to buy it though. Guy was perceptive, he gave him that.

“Is something wrong?” Taking in Sonic’s form, the older teen’s face slowly morphed into one of concern. The fact that the phantom thief was more than likely seeing how red and puffy the hedgehog’s eyes were didn’t help his case.

“I’m fine!” Sonic whispered quickly, wiping away leftover tears. “I-It’s just way too cold in my room. Much warmer out here, see? I was just getting comfy; sorry if I woke you up… n-nice night… er, early morning, yeah?”

He was rambling now. Real smooth, hedgehog, now he’d definitely think something was up.

Joker’s expression didn’t change, still scrutinizing the hedgehog with a thoughtful gaze. It was a full minute before he finally moved again, walking closer towards him. He stopped right in front of the hedgehog, crouching slowly to get a better look at him in the dimmed light. It was… caring, almost fatherly in the way he watched his movements for Sonic’s sake.

“Bad dreams?”

Busted.

Sonic sighed, his posture only easing minutely. The echoes of his dream still rang throughout his being. His body still refused to get totally out of fight or flight mode.

Well, no use trying to lie. If he had learned anything in the short time the older teen was in the mansion, it was that he was persistent and stubborn when he needed to be. He’d get the truth out of him eventually.

“... Yeah,” Sonic admitted, steeling himself for the inevitable act of spilling his guts.

Joker gave him a small, sad grin before standing up fully. Turning on his heels, he headed for the kitchen. “Sit tight, okay? I’ll be right back.”

That grabbed the hedgehog’s attention. What was he going to do? The clacking of pots and pans sounded in the next room, just quiet enough to not disturb anyone else.

Was he… making something for him?

A few minutes later, Joker walked back into the room with two steaming mugs. Faintly, Sonic could catch a whiff of their scent: Cinnamon, with a touch of honey.

The phantom thief held out one of the mugs. “It’s some warm milk. Something to help you wind down,” Reluctantly, the hedgehog uncurled just enough so that he could take the cup from him, taking another large whiff afterwards. He liked it. It was soothing.

“... Thanks.” 

“No problem.” Joker took a seat on the other side of the couch, taking a drink out of his own mug. He hummed. “I went a little heavy on the cinnamon, but it should do the trick.”

Sonic grunted in acknowledgment, shakily taking a sip. The honey coated his tongue in a comforting film and the cinnamon made a pleasant fire in his throat. There was even a small hint of vanilla to give it more flavor. There was a good balance to the whole thing.

“It’s good,” Sonic muttered, taking another sip and letting the drink warm his body like a blanket. He had begun uncurling more without even realizing it, tension melted from his features until all that was left was a creeping sleepiness.

The two sat together in silence for a long while, enjoying each other’s company. It felt… nice, basking in this easygoing companionship. It’d been a while since Sonic had taken the time to simply ‘be’. 

He and Joker never hung out, either, not like how he did with the others. The guy was nice enough, if a bit odd; quiet, non-combative, and introspective outside of battle and almost as much of a cocky show-boat as _he_ could be inside it. It was kind of like having both Tails and Shadow wrapped into one body, without their more intense traits like the hyper-intelligence or sporadic bouts of violent emo-ness.

Joker was a cool dude, and in a house full of nut jobs and battle-hounds, having a cool dude as a friend would be a pretty good thing. It wasn’t like Mega Man was _always_ going to be around to vent to.

“So, uh…” Sonic started after a while, ending the spell of quiet. “... I’m guessing the fact that you’re drinking one of these too means we’re kind of in the same boat, huh? I mean, if it was just for me, you’d probably woulda already went back to sleep after making sure I was alright.”

And what a _fantastic_ ice breaker that was… Joker paused as he was about to take another sip, face falling slightly. 

“Y-You don’t have to answer that!” Sonic backpedaled, trying to salvage his chances at friendship. He winced when his voice echoed off of the walls, way too loud. It was a wonder Snake wasn’t already there with a grenade launcher pointed to the hedgehog’s face. “I was just curious an--”

“It’s alright, Sonic, don’t worry about it,” said Joker, tone reassuring and relaxed. “I get nightmares a lot too. It was just one of those days, y’know?”

“Mn. I know what you mean.” Sonic leaned back into the couch, letting the back of it swallow him up. Another long sip from his drink, and he turned to face the older teen. Now that Sonic’s eyes properly adjusted to the dark, Joker looked just about as tired as the hedgehog. There was a glossiness to his gaze that you only got after hours of staying up and contemplating your life choices. He really wasn’t kidding around about having nightmares. “Ain’t we just a couple of weenies, getting ourselves so worked up?”

Joker snorted. “That’s one way to put it.”

Neither of them knew what was wrong with the other, or what happened to screw up their heads so badly, but one thing they _did_ know was that misery loves company. All night, they remained on that couch, making idle chat and relishing in the slowly rising sun before dropping off into sleep together.

 

* * *

 

By the time the other members of the house had awoken, hedgehog and thief were still on the couch, dead to the world. Some time in the passing hours, Sonic had moved to cuddle against Joker in his sleep, and that was the position they had been found in.

“ _Aww…_ ” Pac-Man cooed softly, his smile widening and a tear in his eye. “How precious…! Just like the time Junior and I--”

He found Ken’s hand over his mouth faster than the blink of an eye. “Don’t you _dare_ go into another one of your ‘father and son’ stories. _Please_ , not this early in the morning.”

“Bu--"

“ _I beg of you, Pac, don’t do this…_ ”

And as the group got ready for their day, Snake took it upon himself to carry the two to their respective rooms, while Cloud left water and some oatmeal by their bed sides. Neither one would ever go on to admit to doing so, however.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd imagine one of Sonic and Ren's early-morning, exhaustion addled, bonding conversations looking like this:
> 
> 'What do chili dogs taste like? I don't think I've ever had one before.'
> 
> 'Like a explosion of flavor and bliss coating every inch of your mouth hole, with rainbows coming out of your ears at each delicious bite.'
> 
> 'That kinda sounds like me and that Superspicy Curry.'
> 
> '...You like that stuff?'
> 
> 'You don't?'
> 
> '...Ren, what the hell, man?'
> 
> 'What, it really isn't bad! I've made hotter!'
> 
> 'You lie!'


End file.
